in the tradition of Icton and squirrelking, i give you a cancerous gmod retelling of Hunt Down the Freeman - a game which, by virtue of Valve's absenteeism, is the best Half Life game released in the last five years. this one is for Billy Herrington. rest forever here in our hearts, Aniki.
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transcript:
HALF LIFE Side Story Gaiden: Hunt Down Free Man
MOINT PAN was a heccu marine at black missa who one day got sent there by army to kill headcrab zombie and scintist and every thing else. He was big team leader guy and had no mercy and kille anyone who made him mad or angery. Scintists beg him 'please! Do not die us!' BUT HE DID NOT FUCK OF CARE and shotted them until dead. He thought to himself almost 'it is good job to kill for my country but better job to kill for my country FOR MYSELF' and was happy and shotted more nerds.
BUT THEN out of nowhere GORDAN FREEMAN was there! MOINT PAN knew he had to do things and said to gordan 'I WILL FIGHT AT YOU!' so they fought because his order from army general was HUNT THE DOWN THE FREE MAN! But when he foguth him gordan won and beat him over rail with crow bar almost and nearly kill moint pan! Moitn pan was bloody on ground and had tooth in nose and eas nearly die but look up at gordan with last breathe and say to gordan “FUCK
and then gordan crowbar him until dead!
But dead he didnt! Because gman was there waiting and took him off to SECRET BLACK ROOM! Where he waked him to live new and said to him “THERE IS NEW DEAL. You work for US and instead of hunt for army you will for us and HUNT DOWN FREE MAN!” and moint pan say back to gman “NO” and gman say “WHY” and moint pan say back to gman “because I already kill his soul and body only thing left!” so he agree to kill rfeee man!
MOINT Pan fought his way thru the black missa halls and killed many headcrab zombie. He found a hored that was really bi g and roguh and had killed scintists and jumped in air and did flying spin kick and landed on the headcrabs of headcrab zombie and they all fell down dead from broken heads! And on the ground again mpint pan said 'it was headcrabs killed you, I am sorry I could not save' and ran off
until he was in albueruqueraeque, where in a room he was met with adman, who was spooky mysterious snihper who shotted his own men because they were headcrab zombie! And moint pan say to amadna, 'how can you shot men of yours almost!' and aman said “how many you boys did kill?” and then they were friends because of killed same people
and then they jumped on fast car and drove real real fast out of albeureuaqae until they got to army boy camp near ocean and linke dup with army team, and as leader of black ops soldiers moint pan led them to boat where there was captain whi was BAD and CHRISTIAN. And captain said “MOINT PAN you are devil boy who ahs come to defy god and be evil and god does not like you!” and moint pan said “FUCK YOU captain I am boat lord now!” and shotted him until he fell in halfs and he was dead!
And then they set sail for ureop where the combines were making everyone into citys of citizens and numbers for cities and city 16 was there but they went instead to big factory where kids was grown to be clones for combines! And clone master was there with daught and he said to moint pan 'why you come to clone factory”? And moint pan said 'I am to kill of the HUNT DOWN FREE MAN and I need army of clones to do it' and ckone man said ok
BUT THERE WAS A COMBINES BOSS WHO COMED THEN dangerous and big and all the clone kdis hied and moint pan stood strong and said GET OUT EVIL BOSS and tey fighted! Until the big evil combines boss was on ground covered in cumbine blood and he said in deep combines voice uIYOU CANNOT KILL THE BREEN OR HUNT DOWN FREE MANW ILL KILL HIM FIRST and moint pan said back real loud NOT IF I KILL U WHO WAN TO KILL HIM BEFORE! And crushed his head real hard almost under his boot!
When the combisen boss was dead moint pan looks at kid who are grather nearby and say to them 'I am your general master now and you will army for me' and they agreed, and then moint pan was a power stronger than anyone ever thought could be. Gman from shadows smiled and laughed and said 'moint pan you do not know this deal is not for you!'
to be contihnued?!!
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